Smash Of The Week - Week 5

The Dragon's and Wakky Boyz forget that the
game is not just 'knocking out teef'

Phillipe Flabbybun: Greetings and welcome to Smash Of The Week, and what a relief it is to be saying that again to you all! After what can only be described as a turbulent couple of weeks, I am happy to report that I am back from my great adventure, and joined by the one and only Arni!

Arnild Swoonzenorger: Of course there is only one of me, I am as unique as the wings of the goddess Paltyom. Your tone insinuates that there are others like me, you scab on the elbow of hubris.

Phillipe: Well, no of course not Arni, I merely meant tha...

Arnild: And what adventure do you speak of, you lying, poisonous toad?! You were stuck in my vomit in the studio toilets, still sticky from my run in with your homebrew!

Phillipe: Yes, well, it's just lucky that I added so much sausage to that mix or I might have starved... Ahem, despite all the recent commotion in the studio, our M.A.D. league teams have been organising their games and things are running smoother than a shaved Middenheimer! Despite incorrect reports that there were no games on last week-

Arnild: I found the plagued messenger crow who fed me the nonsense, removed his tongue from his head, and used it for toilet paper!

Phillipe:- we had the privilege of seeing six teams in action!


Nighthawks (5) Vs (0) Tails Of The Riverbank

Nighthawks begin the mauling of The Riverbanks

In what can only be described as the mauling of the season, The Hawks obliterated their Skaven opponents after a phenomenal opening half, in which they killed two ratmen and injured numerous more! After this initial carnage the Human side were open to move as freely as they liked, and ran no less than five touchdowns in! Even more astoundingly, this was the second time in three games which this scoreline has been afflicted on The Riverbanks! More allegations of corruption have been thrown at the manager 'Stick' Mangepaw, which are widely credited as being true; not even 'Stick' is refuting them anymore.

Music Or The Lizery (2) Vs (0) Nu Ork Jetz

Our second game featured a welcome surprise for fans and pundits alike, when it emerged that the Nu Ork Jetz had acquired the aid of the super star Orc player Varag Ghoul-Chewer after winning a finger painting competition! For clarity viewers, the contest was for painting with other peoples severed fingers; Varag said The Jetz had 'nailed' their submission. Sadly for The Jetz, he wasn't able to exert his experience on the gridiron (spending most of the game having to deal with star Saraus 'Tiny') and The Musics ran out winners with two goals to nil. Jetz head coach Grazz De Great had been criticised by fans for playing Varag out of position, but these complaints have calmed since he began sending each new complaint the head of the last.

Dragons Unleashed (0) Vs (0) Wakky Whiddetts

The game which everyone thought would be the weekend's 'Gobber-Knocker' lived up to it's expectations, with the gridiron quickly being reduced to a heaving, violent scrum. Luckily for both managers the natural resilience of the Lizards and Orcs kept most of them on the field for the entire game, and even though an almost record-breaking amount of punches were thrown we only saw three casualties.

Arnild: I have injured more people accidentally whilst brushing my teeth!

Phillipe: That I believe Arni! Although the scheduled 'Recuperation & Travel' weekend falls this weekend, allowing coaches to give their players a well earned rest or travel to perhaps more lucrative pastures, The London Warps and the Wakky Whiddetz will be duking out it out in a mid-week game for our entertainment!

We will be back next week to report on that match, and for now it's goodbye from me and goodbye from him!

Arnild: My name is Arnild, not 'Him', you puss-filled maggot!