Smash Of The Week - Week 4

Arnild Swoonzenorger: I care not for the viewers of this show, I only wish for the child-sized man to be back besides me and filling the air with his charismatic pap! What do you mean 'We're on', you distended scroat? My eyes are as strong as an eagles, of course I see the red light! Fine.

To the villainous scum who rot their minds, staring into your 50 inch crystal balls, I hate you and everything what you stand for, and wish nothing more than to reign down 300 years of fire upon your realms! Stop whispering and speak up! 'Talk about the games'? Argghhh I will tug out your spinal column and mount my post box on it!

Three games took place across the durgid, brown quagmire that is the Middenland last weekend;

Orocarni Stiffbeards- 2 - 0 -Tails Of The Riverbank

Despite the formation of the most pitiful Dwarven cage I have witnessed in 20 moons, the Orocarni Stiffbeards managed crawl their way out of their half and force a bloody path through the pack of fetid vermin surrounding them. The rats received in the second half and brought down an age of shame on their ancestors by playing like amateurs, after allowing the Dwarves to catch them who then rallied and scored once more. Pitiful. Next game, now!

Nighthawks- 2 - 2 -Wakky Whiddettz

The Nighthawks inefficiently equalised in the last minute of the second half, which prompted riots in the stands and the consumption of a dozen fans by a half-giant named Bropf. Hah, I must meet this Bropf, his skull chewing technique is messier than Frrlgh The Gnasher! This is all the footage you have of the game? Next!

Hug A Tree United- 2 - 0 -Waaghshinton Greenskins

More greenskins? Their very presence on the same soil as me makes my axe, Mulinyor, tremble with rage and bloodlust! This tribe of orcs had little in the way of ball skills and were embarrassed by a Wood Elf team. If there is one thing I hate more than orcs it is Elves!!! At least they managed to cripple one of the wimpy, flower-munching, arrogant pests in the process. I must admit an interest in the Troll the Greenskins have added to their roster. I have heard stories of the amount of goblins he has crushed!

Enough, I am done. These pathetic examples of Blood Bowl players make me cry tears of venom. Where is the blood and passion these days?! In my age, I flayed any in my path and use their rib cages and knee caps as instruments in my prayers to the gods!

What??! I do not care if there are no scheduled games this week! Arnild is leaving!!