Smash Of The Week II - Week 5

Deeproot Strongbranch leads the halfling cage

Phillipe Flabbybun: Hello and welcome to your weekly dose of Blood Bowl; Smash of the Week! As always I am Phillipe, and I will be walking you through the best plays and most dangerous tackles with my co-host Arni... Who appears to still be out of the studio, even though the games finished a couple of days ago... Arni, where in the name of the Moot are you?!

Arnild Swoonzenorger: ...ZzzZz....ZZzzzzZzz...

Phillipe: Arni? Where is he? Is he sleeping on air?!

Arnild: ...zzzzzzZzzZzzzzzZZZZ...

Phillipe: ARNI!!

Arnild: ..Zzz-Wha, grrrru, uggghh... Phillipe, keep your noise-hole closed, Arnild's head is pounding like an ogre's wardrum. Ugh, what an after-party, that was one for the ages!

Phillipe: Are you still in the Marvels dressing room? Who's hat are you wearing? How was the game?

Arnild: Hm... Oh, yes, Arnild thinks so? Hah, this must be Brad Worst's hat, he will be furious! Mmhmghmm, go away Phillipe, Arnild has no patience for your incessant questions now, he needs to go back to the dreamlands of Rhyylet and sleep away this tempetuous storm in his head and stomach...

Phillipe: Well I guess, I'll take the reigns again, we should probably think about bringing Arni back to the studio...

Midgard Marvels (2) - (2) Rhubarb Crumbles
The build-up to this game had been a strange one, even stranger than normal for a Blood Bowl game, with a incredible amount of hype building in the Mootland for Crumbles supporters, and pretty much the exact opposite for the Midgard Marvel fans. In an attempt to drive bums into seats the Marvels set up a well polished and executed ad-campaign which spanned the entire region, and the team even went as far as to help the Crumbles lure an old superstar out of hiding in order to make the game more exciting for the neutral; Deeproot Strongbranch! In a twist that they perhaps should have seen coming though, this only excited even more halflings and less humans, and before they knew it the city of Midgard was awash in a sea of purple and green clad mootfolk! To ladle even more strangeness on the build up of the game, reports of a grudge between Marvels headcoach Nick Fury and Crumble striker Brad Worst had surfaced, with Fury still furious about the way the flamboyant character had goaded his players in a pre-season friendly!

All of this was of course forgotten as soon as the first whistle was blown and kick-off took place, as three giant treemen proceed to march and crush their way into the Marvels front line. Deeproot immediately proved he was still the GOAT (Greatest Of All Treeman) after blocking ogre Bruce Banner so hard many thought he had removed his head! Behind the impenetrable screen of wood, Munch Bakerby barked orders to his team as they formed a lose cage which slowly edged forward and frustrated the Marvels, who did their best to punch through the soft halfling wall but couldn't find a way in. The play ended in a touchdown as Munch escaped the Marvel's defensive line and skipped in a score, a move which caused both sets of coaches to bark new orders at their teams from their dug outs. Now receiving the ball the Marvel's sent their superstar catchers down each flank of the pitch, with star thrower Thor collecting the ball and beginning to eye up his options. What Thor hadn't seen however was a halfing being tossed over the offensive wall and deftly landing next to him, before grabbing hold of the player and tugging them both to the ground! This setback couldn't stop the Marvel's excellent throwing play though, and thrower Steve Rogers gathered the skin and tossed it nearly half a pitch's length to catcher Tony Stark who put a score in before the half ended.

The Marvels took their receiving drive at speed and began to put the hurt on their halfling opponents, with blitzer Hank McCoy dispatching three Crumbles players without breaking his stride! As the mootfolk left the pitch on stretchers the Marvels gained the advantage, even with Steve Rogers being hit directly in the face by a flung 'fling, and after another perfect throwing play the humans went two - one up. With about a quarter of the match left for the Crumbles to equalise hopes weren't particularly high in the stands, but after a scrum broke down deep into the Marvel's half treeman Woody Hureleson took matters into his own hands, plucking the halfing ball carrier from the melee and launching him towards the endzone which was crossed at speed, securing a draw for the halflings and prompting an after-party which lasted for two days!

Friendly - Strigany Surge (2) - (1) The Weirdos Of Farthing Wood
If there was a word you could use to describe Weirdos headcoach Ate-a-Ham Van Halfling it would be 'pedantic' (two other words you could use would be violent and short), and after tracking down the leagues only undead team to their training grounds in the twilight hours he summoned his team of irregulars and challenged the vampire team to a match! Being a stickler for doing things the 'correct way', Surge headcoach Garkash Brokenfang was not best pleased at the interruption to his training regiment, but refused to be dishonoured by such a 'petulant runt' and the game was on!

Pure carnage!

With tempers running high on both sides it took a while to find an official referee that would be
willing to monitor the game. So long in fact, that neither side could wait and the game kicked off before anyone could stop them, with Strigany Surge receiving the the ball in the first half. The clever vampire team could smell the vitriol steaming from the Weirdos, and sent a half-drained thrall bundling into the right flank to distract the numerous forest beasts they were up against. The trogres took the bait and lumbered towards the suddenly terrified human, whilst the vampires exploited the now-open opposite flank and sprinted to their first score (despite an attempt to throw a runt at the ball carrier by a slightly more alert trogre). The Weirdos were now receiving and their troge blockers began to plough their way into thrall front line, totally unaware of the issues their runts were having behind them in simply picking the ball up; apparently having no arms makes this a difficult proposition! After several minutes of trying they had finally managed to collect the ball, but found themselves now surrounded the Surge players who were bearing down on the unfortunate beasts. Despite a valiant effort to ward of the undead blitzers (including stunning a vampire in the process), they were not able to keep hold of the ball and Surge ran a second touchdown in, making the score two-nil.

Still riled up and without stopping for even a single blood orange both teams set up immediately for the second half. Just before the ball was launched into the air however the clouds parted to reveal to a full moon, triggering some strange reactions from the crowd and without warning a riot kicked off, which spilled out onto the pitch and left several thralls stunned. With the standing body count firmly in their favour the Weirdos collected the ball in a speedy fashion (lessons learnt from the first half) and pushed forward on a clumsy, violent march into Surge's half, bashing all in their way and securing their first touchdown of the game. As the teams set up for Surge's receiving drive the vampire line up had begun to show holes, but despite their player advantage the Weirdos were not able to take advantage of their position and Surge retained the lead to win the game.

Strigany Surge (1) - (2) The Weirdos Of Farthing Wood
With the game now finished and both sets of players making their way back to their dug outs, an official M.A.D. referee was finally ushered onto the pitch, nightcape and fluffy slippers causing a giggle amongst the crowd, and he summoned both coaches to the centre of the gridiron. Apparently, a league match can't be played without an official referee present, and as such in the eyes of the M.A.D. the previous match did not count! After a few minutes of arguing between the coaches and stubborn referee, the managers stomped back to their dugouts and forced their teams back onto the pitch, with neither willing to lose face to the other! Rather begrudgingly the players assumed their positions and the third half of the night started! In a mirror to the previous match Strigany Surge received the ball on the first drive and attempted a similar play as before, sending the same luckless (and now bloodless) thrall to preoccupy the trogre blockers whilst the vampires sprung up the opposite flank. This time however the Weirdos were prepared and blocked the way with runts, forcing the ball carrying vampire into an awkward position which ending with him stumbling and losing the ball, which bounced in between three surprised trogre players! The Weirdos collected this gift and stomped the ball into Surge's endzone, making the score one-nil with precious little time left on the clock for the vampires to equalise and the half finished in the trogre's favour.

A depleted Surge teams spreads its defense

The game was now in the Weirdo's hands with the team receiving in the second half, but in a repeat of the first game the runts floundered around the ball whilst their giant teammates beat the tar out of the vampires defensive line. By the time the Weirdos had finally collected the pigskin and started to move it forward the undead were upon them, and a scrum formed as the trogres moved back to support the team. After several minutes of carnage the ball carrier was knocked down and the ball squirted free into the melee, causing it to be kicked wildly about and slipping through a number of player's grabbing hands. It was eventually deftly collected by a vampire who dodged away and sprinted in an equalising score! The Weirdos were receiving once again, but now the clock was running out. Luckily for them however the Surge line had suffered casualties and fatigue had begun to settle deep into the muscles of the team, and only six players managed to make it back on to the field for kick-off. With so much space to run into, the Weirdos collected the ball and ran it quickly up the pitch for a second score and the win.


Phillipe: And that's that! Three very different and very odd games of Blood Bowl this week, but none the less very entertaining! Isn't that right Arni!

Arnild: ...ZzzzzZZZz...No, Arnild will not tickle your goat...zzzZZzz...

Phillipe: Will someone wake Arni up and get him some Playercetamol, please?! G'night viewers!