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| Waaghshinton Greenskins attempt to rat-handle London Warpz |
Arnild Swoonzenorger: Arnild has enjoyed this romp of violence, mayhem, and sport! I have not moved from my throne in the last week, and have been watching the magic glowing ball which I do not understand with the unblinking eyes of Fjheera The Un-Lided! My sides now roll over my battle-leathers like a Nordic storm at Ice Grave Bay!
Phillipe: I'm not so sure about that Arni, you're still looking lean and mean to me!
Arnild: I HAVE GAINED 2 POUNDS! I AM A FAT, SLOVENLY BOIL! To the eternal fires with you Crock N' Pop, damn your delicious kernels! I am off to put myself through 72 hours of extreme fitness!
Phillipe: Right, well, whilst Arni struggles with his body dis-morphia, let's get to the games! Oh, and get ready to see an awful lot of rats tonight...
London Warps (4) vs (4) The Undercity Speedsters
We wouldn't normally start with a draw, but we also wouldn't normally see a four all draw occur! In a game that had been advertised as 'The Snaggletooth' Warpz took on The Speedsters, who have now completed all of their league games. Before we show the details though, let us take a second to remember the town of Duskholme who hosted the game in their local stadium, The Sun-Set. After dozens of thousands of Skaven poured into the town like an unstoppable blight, it has now become a Blood Bowl training camp for all Skaven interested in the sport!
faster time as their star Gutter Runner Barry
sprinted by and left every rat in the stadium gawping. Warpz quickly came back with another to make it two to one, and The Speedsters were set to bring the score level again after Barry secured the ball but an unusually spaced defensive tactic from Warpz threw the rats in red of their game, which gave London Warps a chance to get hold of the ball and score once more. Now at three to one, the heaving crowd were beginning to grow as restless as the weather had become, and as is not uncommon in Skaven games a riot broke out causing play to break for several minutes. Once kick off was finally achieved, Barry added another score to his impressive tally, which prompted a full scale pitch invasion from the fans of London Warps! As the second half started the weather began to turn into rain, and as the game reached it's final stages turned into a full blown blizzard! The Warps pushed for more scores but either found themselves distracted by the Speedsters travelling band, slipping in newly formed puddles, or just making bad decisions and ending up running into a fist! With all these mistakes The Speedsters managed to take advantage and score two more, resulting in a four all draw!
Tails Of The Riverbank (0) vs (3) Nu Ork JetzAfter a game of touchdowns, let's show you one of pure violence! It wouldn't be unfair to say that perhaps The Riverbanks and The Jetz hadn't had the seasons they had been hoping for, but in the orgy of violence that followed I am sure that the Skaven are glad it's now the end of theirs! In the first of our games where a team has been forced to concede due to not being able to field enough outfield players, the Orcs took the frustrations of their last game against The Breakers out on The Riverbanks and proceeded to cause six casualties and knock out numerous other rats. This left a lone Rat Ogre to march back onto the pitch after The Jetz scored their second goal, at which point the referee signalled the early stoppage of the game and an automatic three to nil win to The Jetz!
London Warps (4) vs (0) Waaghshinton Greenskins
In their second showing of the week, Warps managed to perform a rout against the highly promising Waaghshinton Greenskins, and score another four touchdowns in the process! With the Skaven starting the game at an unusually cautious pace, the Orc side managed to form a cage and prepare for a grind towards the end zone, only for the Warps wily Gutter Runners to manage to slink inside their lines, bash the ball carrier and steal a score! Cries of discontent from the Greenskins fans washed over the stadium, after a particularly 'glossy' Skaven team managed to avoid the block attempts of their Black Orcs for the entirety of the game. Rumour has it that barrels of goblin grease were found in the Warpz changing rooms after the game, but whether that had anything to do with the highly slippery vermin scoring four goals to nothing in return we will likely never know!
Music Or The Lizery (2) vs (1) Nighthawks
For days leading up to the game between The Musics and Nighthawks, fans had been pouring into the town of Wulderweild and turning the whole area into a giant party! We use the word giant in the literal sense too, after a collective of Hill Giants stomped down to figure out what all the racket was about! The game itself didn't quite live up to the atmosphere however, with a couple of critical errors from both teams keeping the score line at a modest two to one win for The Musics. After going one down to Nighthawks in the first half, a Skink failed a simple hand-off which would have seen the score brought level before the break. The Musics did equalise in the second though, and after Nighthawks fumbled a very similar hand off to that of the Music's in the first half the Lizardmen showed their characteristic ruthlessness to steal a score and the win.
Orocarni Stiffbeards (1) vs (1) Nagash Nightmares
In a match that could be defining at the top of both Divisions tables, both teams will walk away with a share of the spoils, possibly ruing the dropped points. With the Dwarf line up now featuring Glorizzak Steelbuster, Dwarf engineer and Death Roller rider, the Nightmares decided it was a good time to employ the services of a certain chainsaw wielding Skelenton; none other than Hack Enslash himself! The boneman did exactly what was expected of him and removed the Death Roller from the pitch after jamming has chainsaw into the engine of the metal beast. After this early excitement the match became the grind many had predicted, with both teams scoring methodically and violently in the first half. The game could have been won by the Stiffbeards but the runner misjudged the amount of ground that a Mummy propelled Wight could travel, and Ulric The Blooddrinker blocked at the vital moment to seal a draw.
London Warps (3) vs (2) Music Or The Lizery
After the London Warps mid-week surge up the table you would have expected this billing between the two division heavy weights to have been across the whole network! As it was, only a couple of channels were able to show the game due to its impromptu nature. Word on the grapevine is that both teams had settled into the town of Hildford to work on their training regimes over the R&R period, but when both sets of players turned up to the training field a fight broke out between the head coaches, and with no determinable winner in the brawl they decided to take it to the pitch! The Lizards received, formed a swift moving cage and rushed in a quick touchdown to take the lead. The Skaven did what they do best and brought the score level within minutes of receiving the ball, and in a game changing moment of either extreme focus or just plain cheating (pundits are still arguing about this) Warpz managed to get the drop on the Music's when kicking, and get numerous rats into the Lizards lines before the whistle had seem to have been blown! Using the advantage of initiative, the Skaven managed to sneak over a second goal, bashing a Skink's skull in during the process. In the second half both teams scored once more to give Warpz a three to two victory, and inflict the first defeat of the season on the Musics in their last league game. Even with this loss though, their position at the top of the division seems to be safe enough.
Now that was a lot of Blood Bowl! Smash Of The Week will likely not be here next week, but you can be assured that as soon as teams hit the gridiron, we will be hitting your screens!
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