Smash Of The Week II - Week 3

Tree on Troge action

Phillipe Flabbybun: Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Smash Of The Week! In order to allow teams to rest and recover after the season's first few games, and also allow time to travel to scheduled matches, a week of optional downtime was added in the season calendar. As it turns out, most of the teams decided to make use of this, which has made our schedule somewhat sparse this week. However, I am happy to let you know that our two stunty teams met up in the heart of the Drakland Forest, and we had Arni travel to the match to watch it in person!

Here he is, coming live and delivering his post match report, Arni can you hear me?

Arnild Swoonzenorger: There are so many tiny creatures and people here, Arnild thinks he has crushed at least a dozen beneath his boot by accident! And why is it so loud?! Why must you half-folk insist on babbling a constant stream of nonsense gibberish, Arnild does not care for your mother's stroodle recipe or how many pairs of tights you own?! 

Phillipe: Is that Aunt Messy's Olde Stroodle recipe? You must get that for me, I've been after it for years! How was the game, Arni?

Arnild: It was the most ridiculous affair that Arnild has had to witness, and I have just seen a trogre juggle seventeen squirrels! Arnild had to travel for four moons to get to this harrowed wood, plus two more just to find this damned pitch! And when Arnild finally arrived, the useless beasts weren't even playing on a proper pitch! WHAT! No, I don't want to give your five children a piggy back, Arnild does not even have any hog skins in his possession to offer this. Well, I have one, but this is for Arnild, not your googly-eyed spawn. Enough, no, I - GO AWAY AND LEAVE ARNILD ALONE!!

Rhubarb Crumbles (2) - (2) The Weirdos Of Farthing Wood

Phillipe: As Arni seems a little distracted by the carnival of stunties he's in the middle of, let me take the reigns. As mentioned, the assembly of the pitch turned out to be a very impromptu affair, with the gridiron roughly marked into a dried out river bed, creating imposing walls on either side of the field which prevented any rogue balls bouncing out of play. The Weirdos received and proceed to flatten the Crumbles front line, with the first block of the game crippling one of the poor little men. Despite an early Crumble sack on the ball carrier, the Weirdos managed to re-group and collect the ball, handing it to their star trogre Fimbrethil who proceeded to stomp his way down the pitch unopposed (rather sensibly, none of the halflings were brave or stupid enough to get in his way) to put in a score. This left the Crumbles with enough time to attempt an equaliser in the same half, but their attempt fell flat after some needless showboating by Chewly Toffly caused his pass to miss its target. With the ball now in no-flings-land the Crumbles did their best to retrieve it, including an attempted five stunty block on a trogre, but could not get to the pigskin again before the halftime whistle blew.

The might of the many equals that of the lone

The halfling team began the second half with the same tactic, but with Chewly now focusing on the
game and not the fans he made a successful pass to Brad Worst, who was scooped up by the treeman Woody Hurleson and thrown down the pitch to convert. The trogre team began their drive in the same way as before, and once again managed to get the ball to Fimbrethil who mercilessly crushed two halflings on his way to his second touch down of the game. As the halflings received for the third time in the game, the Weirdos head coach, Ate-a-ham Van Halfling, began to mix up his defence and ordered a 'bombardment' play. With this, runts began to start flying through the air towards their target, away from their target, and straight up into the sky (much to the joy of the fans) as the trogre throwers became a little too enthusiastic in their duties. Although this tactic was generally useless, it did leave a number of runts on the ball carriers side of the pitch, and as halfling striker Brad Worst sprinted through the lines on his way to equalise the game, he was harried and hounded by three particularly audacious runts. His halfling team mates did their best to stop the forest beasts, but all three managed to slip past to deliver the blitz on Brad, who didn't take kindly to their attempted block and viciously fended off and injured the blitzing player, before dodging away to score and end the game as a draw.

Would you like to sign us out this week Arni?

Arnild: What!? What do you want? No, I don't care about how many cabbages your pet pig ate in the summer of '69, or the size of your uncle-in-law's toes!! Enough, Arnild has only the tolerance for a single chatter-mouth, bread-brained, diminutive ear-basher in his life! Leave me be or I will- No, are you not listening to me, I don't want to try Mrs Pots Pumpkin Pizza!

Phillipe: It sounds like Arni has gotten his fill of moot-folk this week! G'night and see you next time, grid fans! Arni, grab me some of that pumpkin pizza!