Arnild Swoonzenorger: Arnild can hardly believe his ears. Bearclaw, gone?
PF: Bearclaw was a renown Nordic coach and managed several teams over his time, including The Stavgard Stalactites and Thjazi Trollhides. Many agree that his career high was taking The Whitepeak Warriors to the '68 Chaos Cup semi-finals, which they ended up losing three to one against The Doom Lords. Fans are still confused as to what happened to their team in the first half, as rather than use their tried and tested method of aggression and fury, the Warriors tried to play a spectacularly unsuccessful passing game. Before half time was over rumour across the stadium was that Bearclaw had quit, and the team returned to their old style of running and punching, but despite pulling a touchdown back it was sadly too little too late.
Say Arni, didn't you play for The Whitepeak Warriors at some point?
AS: Arnild was in that very team, you pathetic, stupid worm. I can't believe Bearclaw is dead.
PF: These things happen Arni. They happen pretty frequently, actually. Let's look at some of last week's games!
Do you Skink he Sauros (4) - (1) The Bad Bananas
One of the few certainties in the world, to go along with mountains being tall, rivers being wet and halflings always being hungry, is that a goblin blood bowl team will always bring ultra-violence to the pitch. There's no certainty to which way the axe will fall on the opposition, sometimes inflicting pain, sometimes receiving it, or as was the case in The Bad Bananas games versus Do you Skink he Sauros, it sometimes falls on both ways! The Lizards won the coin toss and chose to receive, and immediately began to put their plans into action; hit the small ones, stay away from the mad ones, never stop running. As they began to move the ball around their back line though, Thomas, the Bananas' looney, ran chainsaw first and screaming into the lizardman offensive line, which saw him decapitate not one but two skinks within the first few minutes of the game! Despite this distraction the Lizard's blood stayed cool and they managed to run in a touch down, followed later by a second, to close the half at a two score advantage.
The second half saw a much depleted goblin line out as the Sauros muscle began to take it's toll on the stunty side. Also, the referee had run out of patience, and bribe money, and had begun to show red cards to all The Bananas special weapons, much to the disappointment of all fans watching. Although now at a disadvantage the goblin team managed to pull a score back, their doom diver swooping across the pitch after being hurled by a Troll and descended into the end zone. This wasn't the spark of a come back however and Do you Skink he Sauros remained focused and scored a further two points, ending the game with a four to one victory.
Boraghs Dead Beats (2) - (0) The Tough Flamingos
The Flamingos lived up their name this week after having another tough time out on the gridiron, as Boraghs Dead Beats ran out with a two to nil victory amid an incredibly disruptive and destructive environment! Both teams boast some of the rowdiest fans in the division and the stadium went up like a wildfire before the kick off had even begun, after some dreadful stewarding allowed fans to intermingle. The ensuing riot delayed kick off, and not seeing an end to the carnage the referee decided to start the game whilst it raged on in the background. The greenskins were looking fresh and fierce after last week's draw against The Bad Bananas and started very aggressively, punishing the zombies on the line of scrimmage and pushing into Dead Beat territory. Frustratingly their efforts weren't backed up by their support line who spilled the ball several times, allowing the speedy undead positionals to get in amongst their back field. The flanking manoeuvre worked so well it forced another spill, and after a scuffle for the ball the Dead Beats managed to dive it over the line and go a touch down up. The carnage in the stands was unbelievably still raging, but after being told that the riot guard were on their way to separate the rabid fans the ref held the clock until a relative calm had ensued. The Flamingos pushed aggressively forward once more but kept running into a wall of meat, stopping their plays at each turn and ending the half a goal down.
The start of the second half began with the Dead Beats receiving but were a man down and under the cosh from the whistle, and although the orcs applied hard pressure on the undead flank Holstein Grave, Dead Beat ghoul, managed to squeeze out from their net and run the second touch down of the match in. The city guard learned a valuable lesson that day; let a riot sort itself out. Having been forced to stop fighting in the stands, both sets of fans spilled onto the pitch to continue their ruck as the teams lined up for The Flamingos return drive. Unfortunately for the Dead Beats the hardest part of the fighting took place in their half, leaving half the team stunned for the beginning of the drive! The Flamingos weren't quite quick enough to take advantage of this though, and were again frustrated as the Dead Beats used their speed to knock down the ball carrier mere feet from the end zone, ending the game at two - nil!
The Badlands Big Toof Tigers (0) - (2) Orcitects of Destruktion
A petition with over a thousand villager's signatures (and at least three hundred of those genuine, and not forged) arrived at M.A.D. HQ this week, demanding that they stop inviting greenskins to play in the league. You see, as much as we enjoy watching orc sides take to the gridiron to turn their opponents into paste, the teams tend to bring a large number of fans with them, who then tend to stomp and raid the town hosting the game and adjacent countryside. Luckily for the town of Torstmyer only a handful of greenskins turned up to watch The Tigers and Destruktors play, as the rest all got distracted by a skirmish between the rival fan clubs (there was no discernible winner but everyone had a jolly old time, I've been told). We were treated to a condensed copy of that skirmish in the game, which on the whistle for kick off turned into a real slug-fest and never really moved on from there.
As both teams were fairly equally matched in muscle the mosh of attrition ground on all game, with the Destruktors gaining a slight edge after a couple of casualties opened up enough space for them to remember they were actually playing Blood Bowl and run in a couple of touch downs! A special mention goes to Tigers black orc Growl, who nimbly- that's right, nimbly- managed to turn out of a couple of tackle zones and fell a ball carrier! Reportedly after the game Growl insisted to his coach that he should be allowed to play as a Blitzer, just before tripping up over a banquet table and crushing a goblin under his weight. My informant has confirmed that Growl will remain as a blocker.
PF: I'm sorry that Bearclaw's passing has affected you, Arni-
AS: We should have won the cup! The dribbling pustule had seen an elf team play on Cabalvision the night before the game, and decided to introduce a play book! At half time Arnild was done with this 'organised play' style, and snapped all Bearclaw's fingers off so he could no longer scribble in his idiotic book. Before I could put him out of my misery after the game the dog had run away! I vowed to hunt him down and tear his head off with my own hands, but I'll never get to do this now! I bet it was that troll humping, vomit-spawn Seigfried, how dare he deny me my vengeance! I'm coming for you Seigfried!
PF: Oh Arni, you're such a character. G'night all!
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